Cold

I heard your voice wispering to me, oppressing my breath
I wanted to be myself again, not to lose identity
Your love made me feel so tired and now I seem to lose control
I fell into oblivion, my mind’s so numb

Left all alone…

I try to erase the scars of time but I only scratch the surface
The darkness deep inside my heart will never let me feel
I try to hide my real self behind a wall of silence
Don’t you see the lines on my wrist? That was you.

So many times I hurt myself and you never noticed
I couldn’t take this shame any more, my smile wasn’t true
You made me try to kill myself, made me feel the pain
I had to maintain that fucking life, wasn’t able to die

Lost and alone…

I try to erase the scars of time but I only scratch the surface
The darkness deep inside my heart will never let me feel
I try to hide my real self behind a wall of silence
Don’t you see the lines on my wrist? That was you.

I try to erase my memories, try to forget the lies
But I never will get away from you, entchanted by your light
Will you let me croak till I die? Lost in your light.
Your cold light… lost in your cold light

Vogelfrei

So ein vergnügtes Mädchen
Immer den roten Ball dabei
Spielte so gerne unten um Hof
Und lachte den ganzen Tag

Tanzte wie ein Schmetterling
Frei über grüne Wiesen
Flog, wohin der Wind es trug
Und trieb so seine Scherze

Starb dann den Tablettent*d
In Einsamkeit des Raumes
Flog und kehrte nie zurück
Wo bist du geblieben?

Regen

Trauer, Schm*rz, Verzweifelung,
Alles klebt an mir.
Staubig, dreckig, unverzeihlich
Und der Regen fällt.
Doch er wäscht nicht alles fort,
Wäscht nicht fort das Bl*t.
Hörst du dort das Rauschen nicht?
Es erstickt den Schrei.
Der Regen wäscht die Trauer fort,
Doch erst mit der Zeit.
Den Rest muss ich allein durchstehen;
Bald bin ich wieder rein.

Suffering Symphony

Life seems too hard for you
You feel so weak, it can’t be true
Don’t you doubt your destiny?
You can’t act like they want you to be

Born to be alone
Stand up to the storm of lies
Oh, you erase yourself from life
Don’t try to stop your suffering like me

Bl*od all over the floor
That’s your last memory
You saw me lying on the ground
With the r*z*rblade in my hand

Don’t try to end up like me
Without a home and a place to dream
Try to survive the emptiness
There is someone left who saves your soul

Born to be alone
Stand up to the storm of lies
Oh, you can’t erase yourself from life
Don’t try to stop your suffering like me

Don’t cry
You can overcome the insanity
Don’t k*ll yourself, stay here
Don’t you fear? Don’t you fear?

Fenster

Schlaf’ ein wenig, kleiner Engel
Schließ’ die müden Augen
Versuch’ nicht länger doch den Schmerz
In dir aufzusaugen

Du kannst nun geh’n aus meinem Traum
Ich brauche dich nicht mehr
Sieht Gott doch jetzt auf mich herab
Aus seinem himmlisch’ Heer

Weißt du noch, als wir uns trafen
In dieser dunklen Nacht?
Hast du mir doch zum ersten Mal
Geborgenheit gebracht

Schenktest Licht der dunklen Seele
Brachtest sie zum Lachen
Darum wollte ich dir danken
Für all die schönen Sachen!

Swallowing your Blackness

You’re deceiving me all along
I saved myself in a dream
You never ment to hurt me
But you did it often enough
Can you tell me what you see
When you take a look at me?
A blurred figure in the dark
You must admit… I’m not real
I belong to you forever more
I’ll always be your shadow
Swallowing your blackness
Don’t wanna feel the pain any more
C*t into my own flesh, the bl**d
Just to feel that I’m here
I wanna die so much
But I’m afraid of your spell
Not able to forget your words
Millions of thoughts run through my head
Destroying my life, make me feel numb
Make me k*ll myself

Seele

Ich bin es nicht wert, zu leben.
Jeder einzelne Atemzug brennt sich seinen Weg aus mir heraus.
Genau wie mein Bl*t.
Mein Kopf ist so leer, alles ist schwarz.
Ich bin es nicht wert, zu fühlen.
Jeder einzelne Moment schreit: „St*rb’!“
Die Stille ist so laut als würde mir jemand direkt ins Gesicht schreien.
Ich kann es nicht mehr ertragen!
Diese schwarze Suppe, die sich um meinen Körper schließt…
Geh’ weg! Hau’ ab!
Diese widerliche schwarze Suppe aus Angst…
Der Wahnsinn macht sich in mir breit!
Als würden die Wände auf mich zukommen.
Erdrückend und beobachtend!
Ich habe zu lange geschwiegen, jetzt bin ich verstummt.
Wiege mich in den Schlaf, mein T*d!

Tag für Tag

Jeden Tag dasselbe…
Jeden Tag dasselbe Lächeln
Es ist nicht echt
Nur eine Fassade

Jeden Tag, immer wieder…
Dieses aufgezwungene Lächeln,
Um ihr zu zeigen,
Dass sie nichts falsch macht

Tag für Tag, tausendmal
Diese Worte, die mich so verletzen
Wunden, die ich nicht hätte sehen dürfen,
Weil ich doch selbst welche habe

Tag für Tag, dieser Gedanke,
Einfach zu sterben,
Den niemand versteht,
Weil ihn niemand ernst nimmt

Immer und immer wieder,
Weil ich nicht mehr kann,
Keiner merkt es,
Nie wieder

Free

Look at me, little bird
Just a little smile
Please don’t try to hide your tears
You don’t wanna show
Travelled all around the world
You never felt warm and safe
Never seen some kind of home
Rest your broken wings
I hear your silent voice
Can hear it word for word
You still remember the melody
Have just forgotten how to sing
Our lives can be forever
You’ll never be alone
I’ll break the bars of your cage
Fly with me once more
Have you ever felt the pain
Of captivity?
Now you can spread your wings
You’ve never been free
Free like a bird

Behind

Sometimes I wish I could go back
Turn back time and start again
I’m blinded by your vain promises
Sickened in your contempt

I had to split off my feelings
Tried to ignore your insults
Forced myself to forget your face
Just to forget the pain

Everything seems to be perfect
But under the surface we’re both insane
Behind our frozen smiles
We hide a world full of pain

You vented your feelings on me
Just rage and hate and all your fears
I’ve got no one to vent my rage
Instead I must eat it up… and hurt myself

Everything seems to be perfect
But under my skin there’s only hate
Behind my perfect frozen smile
I hide my cheerless, lonely life

I’m drowning in my tears
No single second without fears
You’re throwing the lies at my face
Can’t give you a further chance

Don’t wanna hear your screams any more
I have to find myself again
Leave it all behind
But I don’t know if I will be strong enough

I waste my time on you
Have to confess that things go better without you

Therapy

A perfect world, I tried to keep
But why did you cause it to sway?
You broke down my perfect smile
Never look back to me

Forgotten in those empty rooms
The white walls of insanity
Captured in a so-called shelter
Only to protect myself

They don’t let me know
About the illness of my soul

Lost in the silence of despair
Knowing that the door will never open
They can’t erase all of my pain
I can’t flee from those white walls

My perfet world has tumbled down
I cut myself so many times
I think that is why I’m here
But tell me, why do I fear?

When they look at my hideous scars
I still don’t know if they cn help
They just confine me to my bed
And don’t wanna heal me

They don’t let me go
Until the day I’ll breathe again

Lost in the silence of despair
Knowing that the door will never open
They can’t erase all of my pain
I can’t flee from those white walls

I can’t defend myself against
The deadly thoughts in my mind
I can’t get out of it
Alone

Lost in the silence of despair
Knowing that the door will never open
They can’t erase all of my pain
I can’t flee from those white walls

Lost in the silence of therapy
Knowing that my door has opened
They can’t erase all of my pain
But they can heal my wounds

Regen

Trauer, Schm*rz, Verzweifelung,
Alles klebt an mir.
Staubig, dreckig, unverzeihlich
Und der Regen fällt.
Doch er wäscht nicht alles fort,
Wäscht nicht fort das Bl*t.
Hörst du dort das Rauschen nicht?
Es erstickt den Schrei.
Der Regen wäscht die Trauer fort,
Doch erst mit der Zeit.
Den Rest muss ich allein durchstehen;
Bald bin ich wieder rein.

Warum auch immer ich das letzte Gedicht noch mal reingestellt habe... oO



Disorder // Pain-Killer

The unknown face in a mirror
Shattered all to pieces
A flat voice beyond this world
It seemed so unreal

Absurd thoughts in an empty room
Crossing the borders of sanity
Couldn’t remember myself any more
That’s not me

Someday I took the knife
And cut it all away

I killed the pain inside my chest
Silenced the words that filled my head
I started pretending that everything’s ok
And started looking away from my reflection

Oh, how I longed for you
I thought I would die for those words
But you never said something like that
You hurt me over and over again

Every day I lied to you
Didn’t dare to tell you more
I’ve done everything for you
God, it was not enough

Someday I took the knife
And cut myself out of reality

I killed the pain inside my chest
Silenced the words that filled my head
I started pretending that everything’s ok
And started looking away from my reflection

I forced myself to forget your lies
And stopped thinking of you
How could you be so blind
That you saw right through me?

I felt like losing my mind
Fought for your attention
But you never really recognized me
How could I be so blind?!

I had to get through this time
All alone
I saved myself… ‘cause no one cared
Listen, I’m not your slave

I killed the pain inside my chest
Silenced the words that filled my head
I started pretending that everything’s ok
And started looking away from my reflection

I cut it all away
And silence is everything what’s left

Barfuß

Horrorfilme, wenn ich die Augen schließe
Hört auf, euch zu streiten, hört auf zu schreien!
Eine Badewanne voller Bl*t
Armes kleines Kind…
Das alles gesehen, das alles gehört
Hast das alles gespürt
Wenn ich könnte, würde ich dich mitnehmen
Ins Reich der Engel, wo alles gut ist
Es geht nicht, wir müssen bleiben
Sieh’ nicht hin! Schau’ weg!
Barfuß in der Kälte, ganz allein…
Komm’ mit mir!

Fragments of a Smile

You try to maintain your perfect world
And do not notice that nothing is real
How can you endure the look in the mirror?
How can you endure this lie?

Everytime you say that you’re content
But you should better stop lying

Can’t you see that your face is crumbling?
All your lies are tumbling down
You can’t escape from the part you play
On the small stage of your life

Do you really think we’re too blind
To see right through your facade?
You do not seem to realize
That the whole world ignores you

Everytime you smile to me
But you should better stop trying

Can’t you see that your face is crumbling?
All your lies are tumbling down
You can’t escape from the part you play
On the small stage of your life

Can’t you feel that you’re not yourself?
And all your dreams are broken
You don’t know, you must save yourself
Give me a part of your smile

You assume that you’ve betrayed them all
But it’s the world that betrayed you
When they finish you off
I’ll pick up the pieces of your heart
When they scratch your lifeless face
I’ll pick up the fragments of your suffocated smile

Welcome to Paradise

I hardly remember the number on the door
Don’t know the colour of these walls
Drunk too much to say the truth
I felt nothing when you touched my skin

I saved myself in another reality
And counted the days to the next sin
It wasn’t long enough

I know that all the things I did
Will never be forgiven
‘Cause I can’t forgive myself

My dreams are all covered white
So I can’t see the darkness in my head
Why can’t these eyes be closed?
So that I’ll never see anything again

I save myself in the next dream
Hide my feelings once again
Oh, it wasn’t good enough

I can’t forgive myself
That I didn’t take my last chance

I’ve been such a fool
But I can’t get enough
You’d never love me if you knew the truth

I’ll always be that fool
I’ve become the whore
You can’t stop loving in spite of all her lies

One day you’ll know the mistakes I made
I guess, you want me to be dead